Self-awareness is a tricky thing with some on the autism spectrum disorder. For a long time, specialists thought that those with autism had no sense of themselves. That has been disproven: even some who are nonverbal now use assistive technology, usually a keyboard a specialized wordprocessor, are showing that they are aware of themselves, what they think and believe. Ben doesn't want to share anything about himself...his excuse is, "I don't want to give myself away." There lies the rub. For Ben to progress toward getting along with others, he needs to understand that he has a problem, and be willing to work through his feelings, all things he doesn't want to talk about or for others to discuss with him. At least that's what they tell me.
When we have discussed autism and its effects with him, we get either no reply or begrudging agreement. He is so tired of counselors and specialists trying to teach him "social stories" and social behavior, that they have mostly learned to avoid those terms to get past the wall he puts up.
Some parents of kids on the spectrum have told me that they tell thier kids from the beginning that they are different. Some parents teach thier children that everyone is different, and that the atypical nervous system with which they were born is no more of a difference than another person's hair color, likes and dislikes, etc. Ben has heard the word 'autism' all his life; our family discusses the symptoms, likely causes, treatments/therapies, and the like. We just don't frequently direct the conversations to him. I think he knows he has differences that make life challenging for him, but he doesn't want to dwell on it.
Maybe his realization is a process instead of a one time 'aha' moment. And maybe that's a good thing for Ben. It helps him cope internally with his areas of struggle. But it makes his journey towards being a fully functioning, social adult harder, I think.
